Saturday, October 18, 2008

A Confused Soul!!

--- i don really know if im alone… I am in the midst of a crowd of 600.. but still I feel left out.. I have great friends here, but y not a single companion? ..
There are several times when I just feel I don’t belong here. Don’t belong in this sect of society. I am pursuing an MBA. I want to be someone tomorrow, I do have dreams like most of us.. but is the path that iv chosen appropriate for me… will this path lead me to where I want to go..
… but arnt we all ‘destined’ to go somewhere?? DESTINY!!! If destiny was to actually exist, then isn’t everything just pre planned for each of us?? And if everything is preplanned for each of us .. then y do we even bother about the path we choose…. Then why am I sad?? If destiny was to actually exist, then I would certainly end up doing the right things in the world. Wouldn’t i?? I would certainly fulfill the reason for my existence in this world… But then again, is the hungry, deprived man who dies in the gutter, destined to do just that?? What was his purpose in this world?? To bear the cruelty which the world inflicts on him? I still seek answers…
I am young today. So the warmth in my blood asks me not to believe in destiny… ‘ I believe in carving my own destiny!!’ is what I say to myself ‘I don’t believe in anything so powerful, that it could control my life.. My future!!’ But then again, hasn’t life always proved me wrong?? Failure hits us so bad, that it makes us question ourselves, were we ever really in control of it??? Oh let me reframe that… ‘did we ever DESERVE it?!!!!!!!’ Have I not worked hard enough, not to deserve this?! I still seek answers…
A close friend of mine once said, happiness and sadness could never determine success or failure.. ‘So in that case, I am sad, however I may not have failed.’ Or have I??
I want to taste success once… just once…. And feel it.. and be happy about it…

All of this is just a pile of jumbled thoughts of a success deprived individual… May not make much sense to many, but if sme1 has smething to say, then your feedback is welcome...